My acupuncturist mentioned to me the other day that sometimes it takes more effort to avoid our destiny than to follow its path.
I’m not sure how I feel about destiny as a concept, but this idea of not resisting and being open to the flow of life resonates.
I like to imagine I have a modicum of control over my life. Planning makes me feel a tad more peaceful. But I repeatedly find myself yielding to the flow despite constructing an impeccable agenda.
I read a couple of books recently that brought this concept home. “4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkman and “The Awakened Brain” by Lisa Miller. Both write about attempting to fit and orchestrate all the things into our lives through force though that isn’t possible, or even desirable, in reality.
“We can live chasing goals and rewards, lost in worries and regrets. Or we can awaken to the true fabric of the world, an evolving tapestry that we both behold and help create, in which every thread matters and no strand stands alone”.
-Lisa Miller, “The Awakened Brain”
I have a bad habit of equating the management of each hour to a marker of success. It often just makes me feel busy and overwhelmed, and paradoxically adds even more to my to-do list.
I gave myself a luxurious amount of time to take a break from my usual routines this holiday season, the fact that I’m just getting back to writing now accounts for that fact.
I didn’t set a goal for this period beyond rest. Instead, I simply tried to listen to what came up. Giving myself permission to explore without expectation.
I needed that time to regroup after a year of one illness after another.
As I took things slow, time sped up. My body asked for more rest, and I gave it to her. I pushed aside the dread of life passing me by.
When I invite in ease, being too hard on myself likes to show up in a big way.
“Am I taking it too easy?” “Is this even helping?”
The guilt reflex is a difficult one to break.
Seems like going with the flow means being okay with any outcome and requires repeatedly convincing yourself that it’s safe to surrender.
Notes for the next time surrendering to destiny feels impossible:
Progress has the power to become invisible, it accomplishes this by changing pace and moving so slowly you don’t notice it.
Rest is a medicine that requires you to stop searching.